Saturday, May 9, 2009

If things had gone according to plan, I would have walked today

Today was supposed to have been my graduation day.  My farewell to NC State and the past four years.  My cousin, my best friend, a ton of my close friends all graduated today.  I am elated for them, I really am.  But it hurts, since my world is a giant question mark.  I can't move on because I have no diagnosis.  I feel as though I am stuck in limbo, like someone paused my life and forgot to hit play again.
I'm trying to stay upbeat about this, I promise.  If I say anything other than something hopeful, my family starts up with "encouraging" things like "this won't be going on forever" or "you'll be back in school this fall!" and "its not a big deal, you will still graduate."  I know these things.  Well, I don't really.  I just wish that they could acknowledge that we don't know where I will be in the coming months because we can't figure out what is wrong with me.
It is also draining to live in a house where you are mocked for not ascribing to a certain set of religious and thereby political beliefs.  I said I didn't care who our President prayed to as long as he was doing a good job running the country.  This shocked everyone and got the rebuttal of "yea, well, what about eternity?"  Not exactly an open environment for dissenting opinions and reason-based debate.
Ah well, anyways...

CONGRATULATIONS Deidre, Annette, Kristin and everyone else!  I am so proud of everyone!