I'm not dead yet! I think I'll go for a walk!

I am back from our yearly family beach trip (and family reunion). My family, my 2 aunts, 2 cousins and my uncle all go to Oak Island for a week and stay in a rent house. My Aunt Kay isn't in that picture but she was there. For the most part it was a good beach trip. My older cousin is a spoiled brat who refused to listen to anyone, even when it concerned her avoiding my arm. She is the blonde in the pink shirt on the far left. I avoided her most of the trip. The other little girl is my Mini Me that I adore and look at as my little sister. She was awesome this week and was very helpful if I needed anything. I spent a few hours on the beach most days and overall, it was a good week.

My arm is ok. It swelled up more (along with a good part of my upper torso) and the pain has spread. I had to switch from my smaller sling back to the big one because of the swelling. I only had 2 tremor episodes which I thought was good since I had the sling off while I was on the beach.

We are still waiting on the referrals to the orthopedist and the pain clinic in Winston. Back t the hurry up an wait.

Dixie is doing great. This week I am hoping to make her some service dog in training patches so we can start taking her into more environments. Lola is growing like a weed and smart as a whip.

Honestly, the end is not in sight.

This illness is insane.  My arm and everything else is more swollen.  Much more swollen.  I hurt more.  It is just insane.

Yesterday I had a stomach bug.  That really sucked.  You know, just in case I didn't have enough health problems. Thankfully, I am over it today.  I hate puking.

Today I went with Mom to Southpoint Mall to do store checks.  It was insanely hot and part of the all is outside.  I had a good time but didn't feel 100% after the heat.  I didn't find anything I fell in love with, but I have a lot of new 1 armed, swollen arm friendly clothes thanks to my wonderful mother!

I was ok for awhile but started feeling faint after dinner.  We don't know what could have caused it, except maybe that I had a bit of a fever.

It really sucks because we are supposed to leave for the family beach trip on Saturday and stay for a week.  It is supposed to be ridiculously hot and we know now that I just can't tolerate the heat.  So I will be stuck in another house and the ultimatum was delivered that Lola absolutely can not come with us.  I won't have internet and I can only read for so many hours a day.  My mom said we could go to my grandmother's house in Charleston, but it is so hard when I have been looking forward to this trip for so long.  This is the first time I've had the chance to go in 3 years.  Bah

I just realized my readers might not know who Lo

la is.  Lola Belle is a (now) 7 week old puppy (age is guesstimated) that showed up in our front yard.  She is such a sweetie but has some spunk to her.  Dixie absolutely adores her.  I'm totally in love.  I've been having a hard time feeling like I am a huge burden on my family and that I am pretty useless lately.  I (and my family) seriously believe that Lola is in my life to give me something that depends on me totally (yes, Dixie does, but she is such a wonderful, self-sufficient dog AND she is also doing things for me as my assistance d

og).  Thanks to Eric Velarde for the gorgeous picture!  Visit his website HERE

A long overdue update

I know, I know.  I have totally slacked.  But I'm here now...so all is well?

I saw a neurologist at Wake Forest Baptist.  He thinks it might be Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome, but it isn't presenting like it normally does.  So he is referring me to an orthopedist that specializes in CRPS and hard to diagnose upper extremity issues.  I'm not getting excited, since we've been through this once already.  So we shall see where this goes.

My upper arm and everything else is still swollen.  And painful.  It hasn't gone down.  It actually got a bit bigger after the appointment, but I think that is because of all the manipulating and poking the neurologist did.

My family is leaving for the beach a week from Saturday.  I don't know how that will go.  My mom and I might come back early, depending on how I feel.  It is so hard to plan things, since I have no clue how I will feel that week.  I have to work up to going out for a few days and then I am exhausted for at least a day or two after.  I love to lay on the beach, but being in the sun wears me out.  Once again, we'll see.

I promise I will be better about blogging.  No more week long breaks.

I'm an awful blogger some days

Like, for  the past week.  However, I'm in a much better mood since then, so that makes up for it right?

I'm going to Baptist today to see a neurologist there.  I promise I will give a full update once I get back.

There is a reason I only have 4 periods a year

Yes, I recognize that might be TMI.  Honestly, I don't know what is TMI is anymore, since I repeat my story so many times.  My medical history is basically public record.  but I digress...

When I PMS I am a flaming bitch.  My mood swings are titanic and I am a holy terror.  Then I get really sad.  Happy isn't in the wheel of moods though.  I get cramps from hades and migraines that make me want to gouge my brain out.  It sucks and I wish people "spays" were more readily available.

Being sick is getting to me, which I have no doubt is related to my PMS from hell.  I feel like I'm all alone since I rarely leave the house.  Everyone else has a life and I have my sickness.  I know its silly and I never verbalize this because I don't want pity.  Instead I bitch to all of my internet readers (who I never see in real life :-p).

My parents are fighting.  My dad has been in a bad mood for weeks.  I know it sounds self-centered, but I know I'm a big part of the cause.  If I wasn't sick, if I hadn't moved back in, if I didn't take up so much of my mom's time, if my dogs and I weren't here, things would be fine.  If I wasn't sick and here, Mom wouldn't be stressed out and Dad would be happy.  She would still be going to church every Sunday, which would make my dad happy.  He wouldn't have to deal with his heathen, non-church going daughter on just a few weekends a month.  He would only have his perfect Christian son who is following in his footsteps and his pride and joy. I know his surgery and eye problems play a role, but it really got bad when I started getting sick.  I know I'm a burden on this family and it frustrates me to no end.    I know it stresses my mom out and that breaks my heart.  She has been so good to me and I'm a big part of the trouble in their marriage.

I know most of this is due to my PMS.  The atmosphere when the whole family is together is so tense it makes me anxious.  It is interesting that my dad has been rude and mean to my mom (and occasionally me) for the past few weeks yet my brother said my dad has been in a great mood for the past few weeks.  I'd like to think that my dad loves me as much as he loves my super fantastic Christian brother and that my religion (or lack there of) would not affect it.  But it does.  I will forever find it interesting how hypocritical many Christians are.

I swear, there will be no more woe-is-me entries.  I know how obnoxious they are.

Happy Gotcha Day Dixie!

On May 29, 2007, my roommate and good friend Jennifer and I went to the shelter to scope out dogs, since I was planning on getting one after my month-long study abroad in Australia and I wanted her to approve my dog choice.  We weren't planning on adopting, but thought that we might take a few out of their kennels to give them some play time.  The first dog we decided to take out was a smiling, spotte

d puppy.  We got her into the playroom and she was bouncy and adorable, just like any other 5 month old puppy who had been stuck in a cage for 3-4 months (yes, months) would be.  We called her name and she responded immediately, which struck both of us.  As an experiment, we told her to sit.  Her butt hit the ground immediately and we knew this puppy was something special.  Suddenly, one of the volunteers comes in and asks if we were interested in Dixie.  We told her we weren't sure, that we hadn't come in to adopt since I was leaving for Australia in a week.  The volunteer then told us that Dixie was free since someone (we suspect it was her) had sponsored her en

tire fee.  Jenn and I both knew that we couldn't let this pup

py go.  I called my mom and begged her to watch this puppy for a month.  My mom, being the softy that she is, agreed, and I pretty much ran up front to get my name down to adopt her.  They told me her spay would be done Thursday and that I could take her home on Friday.

                                                                                                                                                           

Later that evening, I got a call that Dixie's surgery had been moved up and I would be able to pick her up on Thursday!  I was ecstatic and went out to get everything I needed for my new angel.

On Thursday, May 31, 2007, I picked up the first love of my life, my canine soulmate.  She charmed all of my roommates and loved her Aunt Jennifer (as you can see in the picture on her first day home!

Dixie has been an absolute joy these past 2 years.  She has been with me through illness, a broken engagement, and now she is training to become my assistance dog and tremors alert dog.  She knows me so well and we work together like a dream.  Training her has been a breeze since we are so in tune.  She knows when I am about to have an episode of tremors and alerts so I can take my medicine early.  Everyone that meets Dixie falls in love with her.  She is probably the most special dog I have ever met.  I adore my Dixie and am so thankful we found each other.

HAPPY GOTCHA DAY DIXIE!

Soul mates come in all shapes and sizes

Most people believe that your soul mate is a person that shares a deep bond with them or someone who completes them, their other half.  I think this definition is too narrow.  My soul mate has four legs, spots and a square head.  I know, for the non-dog people that read this, that probably sounds crazy.  Dixie is my heart dog and I have known that for a long time.  We have a connection that some dog owners never have.  We get each other, we know the other's body language.  She is my canine soulmate.

These days, she has become a rock in my life.  We are getting her a new backpack that is easier for me to get into so she can be my purse.  She is also going to become a people and item retriever for me.

What I discovered today is that she is also an alert dog.  I was extremely stressed out from everything and my pain medicine was wearing off.  I started feeling crappy and Dixie came over and started pawing at me and licking my face.  Then she went to the door and whined, then came back to me to sit by me and lick my face.  I took my Ativan and the episode only lasted 20 minutes. I hadn't even started thinking about this kind of assistance training but it seems Dixie is a natural at this. 

The paperwork comes this week.  I think Dixie will be certified in a month or two.  I am so thankful we work well together and that she learns so quickly.