Tuesday, June 2, 2009

There is a reason I only have 4 periods a year

Yes, I recognize that might be TMI.  Honestly, I don't know what is TMI is anymore, since I repeat my story so many times.  My medical history is basically public record.  but I digress...
When I PMS I am a flaming bitch.  My mood swings are titanic and I am a holy terror.  Then I get really sad.  Happy isn't in the wheel of moods though.  I get cramps from hades and migraines that make me want to gouge my brain out.  It sucks and I wish people "spays" were more readily available.
Being sick is getting to me, which I have no doubt is related to my PMS from hell.  I feel like I'm all alone since I rarely leave the house.  Everyone else has a life and I have my sickness.  I know its silly and I never verbalize this because I don't want pity.  Instead I bitch to all of my internet readers (who I never see in real life :-p).
My parents are fighting.  My dad has been in a bad mood for weeks.  I know it sounds self-centered, but I know I'm a big part of the cause.  If I wasn't sick, if I hadn't moved back in, if I didn't take up so much of my mom's time, if my dogs and I weren't here, things would be fine.  If I wasn't sick and here, Mom wouldn't be stressed out and Dad would be happy.  She would still be going to church every Sunday, which would make my dad happy.  He wouldn't have to deal with his heathen, non-church going daughter on just a few weekends a month.  He would only have his perfect Christian son who is following in his footsteps and his pride and joy. I know his surgery and eye problems play a role, but it really got bad when I started getting sick.  I know I'm a burden on this family and it frustrates me to no end.    I know it stresses my mom out and that breaks my heart.  She has been so good to me and I'm a big part of the trouble in their marriage.
I know most of this is due to my PMS.  The atmosphere when the whole family is together is so tense it makes me anxious.  It is interesting that my dad has been rude and mean to my mom (and occasionally me) for the past few weeks yet my brother said my dad has been in a great mood for the past few weeks.  I'd like to think that my dad loves me as much as he loves my super fantastic Christian brother and that my religion (or lack there of) would not affect it.  But it does.  I will forever find it interesting how hypocritical many Christians are.
I swear, there will be no more woe-is-me entries.  I know how obnoxious they are.