This week I saw the acupressure massage lady. Unfortunately, it just didn't go well. She was an awesome lady and understood me. With CRPS, it is so hard to know how something will work since there is so little research on it. For me, the acupressure made me worse.
Honestly, it is a scary thing. I certainly don't blame anyone when it gets worse. No one has a clue. But this week, I can't tie my shoes anymore or grip my toothbrush correctly with my left hand. These days I feel like I have so much more insight into my Deda's life when he had Parkinson's. My mind is fine but my body is not cooperating. I despise having to ask for help for everything in my life. I was the independent one, the one who moved to a new city and was making a life for myself. My life was on track, I was going to achieve my dream and be a vet. I do know now that being a regular vet isn't what my heart wanted but I still wanted to be a veterinary behaviorist. And now I have to depend on everyone else for the smallest of things. My Deda was a strong man who always cared for his family. Then the Parkinson's robbed him of that and I understand how he must have felt. I remember him always trying to do things when he shouldn't have. I understand why he did, I understand how frustrated he must have been every day when his body betrayed him. He has always been one of my heroes but now it is so much more so. Even during his worst times he still said "This too shall pass"