Silver linings are always there, sometimes we just choose to ignore them

So I feel like I need to write a not so down update since I've been kind of blah in the past few. There have been some silver linings, they just have been hard for me to spot recently.

As I said, I'm going to be taking classes this fall. The illness is giving me the chance to get a business and psychology minor, which wasn't possible before. That will strengthen my resume and help my GPA out, so hopefully I will get accepted next time I apply to vet school.

I've gotten a break from the insanity that is a pre-vet student's life. Tons of classes that are obnoxiously difficult, work at enough vets to get the references you need and other activities to make you well-rounded. There is a reason that people who graduate with an ANS degree with pre-vet say they are crazy. You have to love and want this career to make it through. I was nearly burnt out and it was taking a toll on my health, my relationships, even my dogs.

This break has also given me a chance to think about what I want to do with the rest of my life. Now, before anyone starts thinking anything too crazy, I do still plan on going to vet school. For the past 10 years I thought I wanted to be a general practitioner. Side note: yes, I mean ten years. I have been telling people since I was 2 (we have video proof) that I was going to be a vet. Anyways, I have had a chance to look at what I truly loved and what didn't constantly stress me out. I've realized that my heart really lies in veterinary behavior. I love learning how to communicate with animals and help those that have problems. Indie and Dixie have both had behavior issues we had to work through and I loved it! I know so much more now and I know there are so many dog owners out there who don't know what to do and give up on problem dogs. There are so few veterinary behaviorists and people don't know about them. I want to work to change that.

The mystery illness sometimes gets in the way of blogging

Yes, I know, I haven't updated in a while. The mystery illness has been throwing some curveballs and it has gotten in the way of blogging.

So I continue to get worse. The swelling and the pain continue to reach new heights. I told my mom that every time I think I have reached the worst pain I've ever felt and then the stabbing pain comes back and it is always worse than the last time. Then I swell more.

We are still waiting to hear from the orthopedist. He was on vacation until today and we found out that he doesn't take all the cases referred to him. Instead, he reviews the case and takes a few then sends the rest to other doctors. The neurologist hopes that we will hear something next week. I've also been referred to a pain clinic near Baptist that deals in hard to diagnose pain. They also do alot of research so my Raleigh pain doctor thinks I might be able to get in on a drug trial. I'm seeing them at the end of the month so we will see where that goes.

Life has been pretty good otherwise. Dixie's training is getting ready to kick in to high gear as soon as we get her new backpack (around the end of this week or beginning of the next) and we make her "Service Dog in Training" patches. Lola is growing like a weed! She was 5 lbs the week she showed up and now she is around 12 lbs a month later! She is so smart and already knows how to sit. Dixie loves her and is teaching her good dog manners.

The 4th was fun, I got to spend almost 6 hours out by the pool! We had a cookout with the whole family and it was just low key. I had a great time and ate way too much food!

I've been spending alot of time with my Aunt Kay and Laura, who I am so thankful for. We've gone to the movies, shopping, and even crafty stuff. We are making a dog bed for Dixie and a fleece blanket for me and the dogs. I will post pictures once we finish!

I'm not dead yet! I think I'll go for a walk!

I am back from our yearly family beach trip (and family reunion). My family, my 2 aunts, 2 cousins and my uncle all go to Oak Island for a week and stay in a rent house. My Aunt Kay isn't in that picture but she was there. For the most part it was a good beach trip. My older cousin is a spoiled brat who refused to listen to anyone, even when it concerned her avoiding my arm. She is the blonde in the pink shirt on the far left. I avoided her most of the trip. The other little girl is my Mini Me that I adore and look at as my little sister. She was awesome this week and was very helpful if I needed anything. I spent a few hours on the beach most days and overall, it was a good week.

My arm is ok. It swelled up more (along with a good part of my upper torso) and the pain has spread. I had to switch from my smaller sling back to the big one because of the swelling. I only had 2 tremor episodes which I thought was good since I had the sling off while I was on the beach.

We are still waiting on the referrals to the orthopedist and the pain clinic in Winston. Back t the hurry up an wait.

Dixie is doing great. This week I am hoping to make her some service dog in training patches so we can start taking her into more environments. Lola is growing like a weed and smart as a whip.

Honestly, the end is not in sight.

This illness is insane.  My arm and everything else is more swollen.  Much more swollen.  I hurt more.  It is just insane.

Yesterday I had a stomach bug.  That really sucked.  You know, just in case I didn't have enough health problems. Thankfully, I am over it today.  I hate puking.

Today I went with Mom to Southpoint Mall to do store checks.  It was insanely hot and part of the all is outside.  I had a good time but didn't feel 100% after the heat.  I didn't find anything I fell in love with, but I have a lot of new 1 armed, swollen arm friendly clothes thanks to my wonderful mother!

I was ok for awhile but started feeling faint after dinner.  We don't know what could have caused it, except maybe that I had a bit of a fever.

It really sucks because we are supposed to leave for the family beach trip on Saturday and stay for a week.  It is supposed to be ridiculously hot and we know now that I just can't tolerate the heat.  So I will be stuck in another house and the ultimatum was delivered that Lola absolutely can not come with us.  I won't have internet and I can only read for so many hours a day.  My mom said we could go to my grandmother's house in Charleston, but it is so hard when I have been looking forward to this trip for so long.  This is the first time I've had the chance to go in 3 years.  Bah

I just realized my readers might not know who Lo

la is.  Lola Belle is a (now) 7 week old puppy (age is guesstimated) that showed up in our front yard.  She is such a sweetie but has some spunk to her.  Dixie absolutely adores her.  I'm totally in love.  I've been having a hard time feeling like I am a huge burden on my family and that I am pretty useless lately.  I (and my family) seriously believe that Lola is in my life to give me something that depends on me totally (yes, Dixie does, but she is such a wonderful, self-sufficient dog AND she is also doing things for me as my assistance d

og).  Thanks to Eric Velarde for the gorgeous picture!  Visit his website HERE

A long overdue update

I know, I know.  I have totally slacked.  But I'm here now...so all is well?

I saw a neurologist at Wake Forest Baptist.  He thinks it might be Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome, but it isn't presenting like it normally does.  So he is referring me to an orthopedist that specializes in CRPS and hard to diagnose upper extremity issues.  I'm not getting excited, since we've been through this once already.  So we shall see where this goes.

My upper arm and everything else is still swollen.  And painful.  It hasn't gone down.  It actually got a bit bigger after the appointment, but I think that is because of all the manipulating and poking the neurologist did.

My family is leaving for the beach a week from Saturday.  I don't know how that will go.  My mom and I might come back early, depending on how I feel.  It is so hard to plan things, since I have no clue how I will feel that week.  I have to work up to going out for a few days and then I am exhausted for at least a day or two after.  I love to lay on the beach, but being in the sun wears me out.  Once again, we'll see.

I promise I will be better about blogging.  No more week long breaks.

I'm an awful blogger some days

Like, for  the past week.  However, I'm in a much better mood since then, so that makes up for it right?

I'm going to Baptist today to see a neurologist there.  I promise I will give a full update once I get back.

There is a reason I only have 4 periods a year

Yes, I recognize that might be TMI.  Honestly, I don't know what is TMI is anymore, since I repeat my story so many times.  My medical history is basically public record.  but I digress...

When I PMS I am a flaming bitch.  My mood swings are titanic and I am a holy terror.  Then I get really sad.  Happy isn't in the wheel of moods though.  I get cramps from hades and migraines that make me want to gouge my brain out.  It sucks and I wish people "spays" were more readily available.

Being sick is getting to me, which I have no doubt is related to my PMS from hell.  I feel like I'm all alone since I rarely leave the house.  Everyone else has a life and I have my sickness.  I know its silly and I never verbalize this because I don't want pity.  Instead I bitch to all of my internet readers (who I never see in real life :-p).

My parents are fighting.  My dad has been in a bad mood for weeks.  I know it sounds self-centered, but I know I'm a big part of the cause.  If I wasn't sick, if I hadn't moved back in, if I didn't take up so much of my mom's time, if my dogs and I weren't here, things would be fine.  If I wasn't sick and here, Mom wouldn't be stressed out and Dad would be happy.  She would still be going to church every Sunday, which would make my dad happy.  He wouldn't have to deal with his heathen, non-church going daughter on just a few weekends a month.  He would only have his perfect Christian son who is following in his footsteps and his pride and joy. I know his surgery and eye problems play a role, but it really got bad when I started getting sick.  I know I'm a burden on this family and it frustrates me to no end.    I know it stresses my mom out and that breaks my heart.  She has been so good to me and I'm a big part of the trouble in their marriage.

I know most of this is due to my PMS.  The atmosphere when the whole family is together is so tense it makes me anxious.  It is interesting that my dad has been rude and mean to my mom (and occasionally me) for the past few weeks yet my brother said my dad has been in a great mood for the past few weeks.  I'd like to think that my dad loves me as much as he loves my super fantastic Christian brother and that my religion (or lack there of) would not affect it.  But it does.  I will forever find it interesting how hypocritical many Christians are.

I swear, there will be no more woe-is-me entries.  I know how obnoxious they are.